I always struggle with the best way to advocate. I try to be a realist, understanding why people react the way they do, while not having to accept status quo. Elisabeth can recite my mantra, "There is no such thing as 'normal'." And she would add, "Who wants to be normal anyway?" Bravo, child. I hope you stay that way. But the fact is, even to my own shame, we all jump to conclusions without having the facts, and we all want to fit people nice and neatly into the boxes we have sorted out for them. {I was at McDonalds one day with my kids and niece and nephew, and was quietly frustrated with a boy who kept getting all up in the little ones space, oblivious to the fact he was upsetting them with his enthusiasm. After a few minutes his mom corralled him and sheepishly apologized, saying that they were in the process of testing him for austism spectrum disorders. I was so ashamed of myself. I thought, I OF ALL PEOPLE should have recognized the symptoms. I should have been more tolerant. But the fact is, we all do it, don't we? Even those who should know...} So, I am trying to find ways to introduce Andrew to his new school and community, and, unable to come up with an exhaustive dissertation on things he can and can't do and why, I came up with this. I know every kid is different, but this kid is mine, and hopefully we can all be a little more accepting of neurodiversity because of him...
YOU SEE: A 6yr old that drives you crazy asking 'why' a million times until you finally answer.
I SEE: A boy whose first real back-and-forth conversation was at age 3 1/2, which is usually the age most kids go through this 'why' stage and it is cute.
YOU SEE: A 6yr old with an abnormal emotional dependence on his parents (especially mom).
I SEE: A boy who went through separation anxiety for the first time at the age of 4 1/2. Most kids start this at age 15 months. Many autism spectrum kids never bond enough to go through this at all.
YOU SEE: A spoiled child throwing a tantrum when he can't do what he wants.
I SEE: A 6yr old whose emotional age drops to 2 or 3 when he is stressed.
YOU SEE: A child who lashes out at whoever is close by when he is upset.
I SEE: A child who is trying to express his feelings in the easiest and strongest way possible (which is not verbal!) A child who doesn't understand intent (like 'it was an accident' or 'I was just teasing'), only the actions themselves.
YOU SEE: A boy who has trouble relating to his peers, who find his behavior strange and react with fear or teasing.
I SEE: A boy who wants to play with his friends, but is hindered by his low frustration level, his overactive sense of justice/equality, his inability to read verbal/non-verbal cues, and who can't infer social rules by imitation or 'common sense'. He has to work to learn every small and large rule of appropriate interaction, which can all fly out the window on a bad day.
YOU SEE: A child who requires a lot of extra time and effort, who can't sit still or keep quiet, who seems unable to pay attention, and is often disruptive.
I SEE: A child who will always be different. A child who is bright, silly, loves to dance and be active, loves physical/verbal affection and reassurance, needs to feel useful, wants to be a 'normal' boy, and deserves to feel good about who he is. He is a wonderful child, like all children, who happens to have Asperger's Syndrome, a high functioning Autism Spectrum Disorder -- and with the time and dedication of caring poeple has a strong chance of living as a happy, independent, and well-functioning adult.
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