New pics

Elisabeth just got back from baton camp in Birmingham. She had a great time!

Elisabeth says, "It was awesome!" She got her batons wrapped in cool pink and purple colors.

Here are some other pics of the silly kids.

New Eyes - Aspie Style

I always struggle with the best way to advocate. I try to be a realist, understanding why people react the way they do, while not having to accept status quo. Elisabeth can recite my mantra, "There is no such thing as 'normal'." And she would add, "Who wants to be normal anyway?" Bravo, child. I hope you stay that way. But the fact is, even to my own shame, we all jump to conclusions without having the facts, and we all want to fit people nice and neatly into the boxes we have sorted out for them. {I was at McDonalds one day with my kids and niece and nephew, and was quietly frustrated with a boy who kept getting all up in the little ones space, oblivious to the fact he was upsetting them with his enthusiasm. After a few minutes his mom corralled him and sheepishly apologized, saying that they were in the process of testing him for austism spectrum disorders. I was so ashamed of myself. I thought, I OF ALL PEOPLE should have recognized the symptoms. I should have been more tolerant. But the fact is, we all do it, don't we? Even those who should know...} So, I am trying to find ways to introduce Andrew to his new school and community, and, unable to come up with an exhaustive dissertation on things he can and can't do and why, I came up with this. I know every kid is different, but this kid is mine, and hopefully we can all be a little more accepting of neurodiversity because of him...

YOU SEE: A 6yr old that drives you crazy asking 'why' a million times until you finally answer.
I SEE: A boy whose first real back-and-forth conversation was at age 3 1/2, which is usually the age most kids go through this 'why' stage and it is cute.
YOU SEE: A 6yr old with an abnormal emotional dependence on his parents (especially mom).
I SEE: A boy who went through separation anxiety for the first time at the age of 4 1/2. Most kids start this at age 15 months. Many autism spectrum kids never bond enough to go through this at all.
YOU SEE: A spoiled child throwing a tantrum when he can't do what he wants.
I SEE: A 6yr old whose emotional age drops to 2 or 3 when he is stressed.
YOU SEE: A child who lashes out at whoever is close by when he is upset.
I SEE: A child who is trying to express his feelings in the easiest and strongest way possible (which is not verbal!) A child who doesn't understand intent (like 'it was an accident' or 'I was just teasing'), only the actions themselves.
YOU SEE: A boy who has trouble relating to his peers, who find his behavior strange and react with fear or teasing.
I SEE: A boy who wants to play with his friends, but is hindered by his low frustration level, his overactive sense of justice/equality, his inability to read verbal/non-verbal cues, and who can't infer social rules by imitation or 'common sense'. He has to work to learn every small and large rule of appropriate interaction, which can all fly out the window on a bad day.
YOU SEE: A child who requires a lot of extra time and effort, who can't sit still or keep quiet, who seems unable to pay attention, and is often disruptive.
I SEE: A child who will always be different. A child who is bright, silly, loves to dance and be active, loves physical/verbal affection and reassurance, needs to feel useful, wants to be a 'normal' boy, and deserves to feel good about who he is. He is a wonderful child, like all children, who happens to have Asperger's Syndrome, a high functioning Autism Spectrum Disorder -- and with the time and dedication of caring poeple has a strong chance of living as a happy, independent, and well-functioning adult.

New Land

We're finally settled in here in Glencoe, AL! We unpacked the last box a few days ago (yes, those of you who know me are shocked...but rest assured an alien hasn't taken over my body. My husband is behind the unpacking, dragging me kicking and screaming. If left up to me, he and the kids would have to unbury me from all the books and memorabilia I get caught up in....)

Tim is the new pastor at First United Methodist Church, Glencoe. I have come off of family leave of absence and am again appointed to attend school, which I will get back to in the Fall. The kids are registered for school and are excited about the new year (although not quite ready for summer to end, of course). We have found a wonderfully warm welcome here and are looking forward to being part of the community.

For those of you who have been following the saga of my educational journey --- I took a trip down memory lane by contacting the AP to get a record of my high school AP scores (from almost 20 yrs ago) to JSU and was able to avoid having to take Psych, Comp, History, and Lit 101s. YAY. I also tracked down all my old English professors (from 15 yrs ago) to get syllabi from my BSC classes to petition not having to take another literature class, which they agreed to. DOUBLE YAY. So, in addition to all the random tiny details of the moving process, I've felt like a mental pinball machine, but am hoping things will settle down now.

The kids have made the move very smoothly. That's definitely an answered prayer. There are many kids their age around here, which definitely helps. Elisabeth, as always, has made a lot of friends. She is going into 5th grade this year, which means that here in Glencoe she will start Middle School. We are not ready for this, but she is! At church, the regular middle school contingent is a whole lot of boys...and Elisabeth. She's totally fine with that, but agrees that it is a good opportunity to get some of her new friends and occasional girl attendees to be more regular. Andrew did very well with the move. A wonderful couple at the church (one of a few, actually, who have pastors/families in their own family) gave both the kids a teddy bear on their first Sunday here, and Andrew's has stuck with him like glue. His name is Cubby, and is currently his best friend. He is enjoying having lots of space to play, inside and outside. He keeps saying he is ready to be in first grade (he is very excited), but we wonder if he realizes that first grade means going back to school, because he gets very anxious when people say the 'S' word. We still need lots of prayers that this will be a good move for him and that he can get the help we all need here. We have an IEP on Aug. 9, before school starts, so start praying NOW for Andrew, his teachers, administrators, therapists and us!

I have been enjoying reconnecting with old friends. Moving here is a little like coming home, since Tim lived most of his childhood and college years in this area, and we lived in Jacksonville (a few miles down the road) for a few years and during my first appointment. We love being close to his mom, who is about 20 minutes down the road as well. I am looking forward to being back in school. I've learned a lot about myself over the past year, and know that I am in a better place now than I was on many levels. Hopefully I won't forget those lessons! Here are some new pics...

Andrew and Cubby

Elisabeth and Andrew having some old fashioned fun at Burritt on the Mountain Pioneer Village.

It's Finally Time

Window in St. Andrew's Cathedral

Mozaics - fracture and fragile but so beautiful, as is the life of a person

Ok, so we've been doing a WHOLE lot of hurry up and wait. It baffles me when people tell me, "You are so calm and patient." Obviously I've perfected my years of training to be a non-anxious presence -- on the outside that is! Because many of you who really know me know that inside I'm usually just a great big ball of stress, AHHHH! And the military and church seem determined to keep me that way! Finally, though, we have a plan!

Church - We will officially be moving to Glencoe, AL in June, where Tim will pastor Glencoe FUMC/Bethel-Southside. We are sad to be leaving our family at OXR UMC, but look forward to what God has in store for us. It will be a difficult transition for the kids, but in THIS I actually feel relatively nonanxious. We have already heard from a variety of people in the new school system so we can start transitioning Andrew's special ed load. Elisabeth is very excited because she will get to attend the gifted magnet school one WHOLE day a week, rather than having one hour a week of gifted education. The school is for gifted 3-6 graders throughout the county -- each school has a particular day. But she is just as excited that the new school has three awesome playgrounds. We will also be much closer to Tim's mom, and we are very, very excited about that! So now on to the logistics of moving -- we're accepting all boxes and Sterilites! HA!

Military - After a year of maybe now/maybe later, we expect Tim to received his ascension next week, FINALLY! Following that he will be officially assigned to a unit and can start duties. After way too much stress, Tim's COL told him that he didn't have to do his four months of training right now. He said he is very pleased with the level of Tim's military and pastoral background. And due to current government upheaval, his unit would probably thank him anyway for putting it off, given that they pay for the training. In other words, he is more than willing to allow him to defer his formal training until he gets settled into the new church. So that is a HUGE weight off of Tim, who was really concerned about my having to pack and move the kids while he was away at Ft. Jackson. I can't imagine why he was worried -- oh yeah, because he knows what a procrastinator I am, hahaha!


Seriously, we are all trying to look forward to a new day. It has been a very difficult year for us all. I've learned a lot of humility. I've spent a lot of time in spiritual wilderness, and although I still have my rough patches, feel like I am regaining some bearings. On a good note, I've lost over 100lbs now, WOO HOO! Feeling great, too! Tim has lost about 80lbs and has become quite the runner (he has good motivation to keep up with those 18 year old recruits!) I'm hoping to get into Jacksonville State's nursing program for the Fall, but trying to be OK with the prospect that it just might not happen until the Spring. I know the best things happen when I put my full trust in God, but let me tell you, folks -- even pastors (sometimes ESPECIALLY pastors) struggle with this. Keep us in your prayers, and we seek to be faithful to our call to go where we are sent and seek out God's will in a new land.

OK, so it has been a really long time -- hey, no one EVER accused me of being a faithful blogger. First, here are some pics of Elisabeth's bday party last month. It was totally worth it, the kids had a blast!

They each created their own painting, based on a canvas Elisabeth chose.

The cake was called "Shopping Diva". Appropriate, unfortunately. Now if I could convince her not to look to me for 'style'...

Happy bday to my sweet girl, who is now 10 years old!!!

Random Aspie Wanderings

Fair warning -- some cute anecdotes in here, and I think some good info on Aspergers/Autism irt Andrew, but you will have to WADE through...

Tim and I like to bicker about the merits/drawbacks of watching TV, playing computer/Wii, and reading. We carp about 'killing brain cells' or 'sitting essentially doing nothing'. I hypothesize that reading is actually a very active process -- much more than simply watching TV, even 'educational' programs. I'm pretty certain of this, but should probably do a little more research, I guess, since I get so defensive. Perhaps playing the computer/Wii is more active, as it involves some physical movement/coordination as well. Again, I should probably look at appropriate research. At any rate, I say reading is not a passive process.

As so many of my random mental wanderings do, this topic brings me around to the inner workings of the Aspie mind ('Aspie' being a common and mostly self-chosen derivative for those with Asperger's Syndrome -- on the high functioning end of Autism Spectrum Disorder). For a child/person with Asperger's Syndrome (and I assume all ASDs) very little is a passive mental process. Part of the 'sensory' issue is from the fact that interpreting language/sight/sound is a very active and voluntary mental process (voluntary being key here). So, overload is in a large part due to MENTAL FATIGUE. Every sound/sight/language association takes intentional mental effort. Thus, coping mechanisms such as repetitive movement/speech is perhaps soothing simply because it takes little mental processing, as it is already a formed neural connection. Hyperfocus would then be another coping mechanism to protect against mental fatigue.

Neurotypicals (people who have 'normal' mental processing abilities) have the ability to subconsciously filter through all of the visual/auditory information to decide what is relevant for the moment. Like someone with ADD/ADHD, which is a very common problem on the spectrum, Aspies have difficulties with this.
[This promotes the idea of encouraging neurodiversity, because we all have different tolerance levels for things such as sound/lighting, etc. Some are able and interested in seeking out stimulation, and some prefer to avoid it. Tim would run all the TVs, the radio, and play the computer with no problem, while I (and I think I have a fairly high tolerance and ability to tune out distractions by hyperfocusing) would much prefer a quiet house and my own thoughts. ]
For those on the spectrum, this tolerance has a much wider range, and they generally lack the emotional maturity to be able to respond with patience or integrated emotional/logical thinking when overstimulated. The processing of most neurotypical adults might be something like, "I can be patient until I can get out of this environment. I will focus on the task at hand and tune everything else out." Or, "If I remove myself from this room, I can seek out a place that is more comfortable." This type of thinking is actually a fairly intuitive and complex process. Intuition and perception is very difficult for those on the Spectrum. This process is something that has to be intentionally taught--and anyone who routinely deals with people in crisis can tell you that learned responses tend to fly out the window when people are confronted with crises. Well, to someone on the spectrum, once a sensory threshold is reached, tolerance ceases to gradually decrease and meltdown/breakdown occurs. It truly becomes a crisis situation for that person. During this time, adding MORE stimulation via auditory/visual stimulation (such as yelling, touching, trying to reason, etc) in fact exponentially compounds the problem rather than having any beneficial effect.

Now, most people would be thinking -- why is this really a big deal? Well, it IS a big deal for a couple of reasons. As we experience with Andrew (almost daily), these breakdowns can have a very negative effect on education -- not just his, but his classmates'. Andrew is in kindergarten. Kindergarten classrooms are already an ASD nightmare, with brightly colored things plastered over every available space, a class full of 5/6 year olds who are all trying to learn social rules, and a teacher that must be able to project over all this chaos. When Andrew's threshold is reached (and I can't even begin to describe the problems we are having in determining WHAT is actually contributing to his sensory overload -- like a needle in a city-sized haystack), his version of a breakdown is throwing his hands over his ears, squeezing his eyes shut, and rendering an ear shattering scream-at-the-top-of-his-lungs vocal performance that goes on and on for what seems like an hour (but is usually only a few minutes). Not only does this obviously impede his learning, but the learning of his classmates and anyone else within literal shouting distance. Now, natural reaction to this would be to 1) (and all too often) shout right back to try to establish authority over him; 2) try to physically contain/remove him from the area to try to calm him down. If you managed to wade through my previous wandering, you begin to see the problems with both of these solutions. His breakdown is due to sensory overload. Adding more auditory and physical sensation just exacerbates the problem, and, in the more understandable words of an old adage --- "Once the dam is broke..."
NOW, let's progress a few years to a teen or adult who is in the midst of a breakdown. Say this person is in a public place, and no one knows why he is acting this way. This behavior might be alarming or even threatening, right? Here is where our ASD loved ones join those with other mental disorders like Schizophrenia. Public breakdown leads to POLICE being called, leads to police doing what they do (normal trained response to 'diffuse' the situation) -- which does nothing to actually 'diffuse' the situation, and in fact makes it worse.
Perhaps this is me overanalyzing the situation and borrowing trouble, but the sad fact is, I have read and experienced too many situations that are variations of this theme to discount it happening to my own child.

I'm struggling with how to help other people, especially his educators and others who would interact with him more than casually, understand these problems without having to go through all the biopsychobabble jargon that flows naturally for me. The good news is that Aspies CAN LEARN to self-regulate. The bad news is that it is a very intensive process, requiring commitment and understanding on a level that most people other than family members are unwilling to give. AND, the earlier the better. So, when I am told over and over again -- Andrew is so young...he'll be fine...there is no rush--I just want to box ears and yell OF COURSE HE WILL, and if you won't step up to the plate, then get out of my way so I can find someone who will. I know I'm not alone in any of these feelings. It helps to know that every invested parent with a special needs child feels this way. So we will all charge on -- working for a day when the world around our children will be more tolerant, and willing to go the needed extra mile.

Elisabeth being silly. As usual.

Andrew and Tim do their 'headbutt hug'.

Thank goodness for Uncle Ryan, who is the toy putter-together. haha

Elisabeth fulfilling her role as present sorter.

Andrew literally dragged himself down the hall when he woke up. I felt bad for the little guy until I was told he was heard up REALLY EARLY playing in his room. He apparently then fell back asleep on the floor, which is where he was dragging himself from later in the morning to find Christmas presents. I was proud though. No meltdowns, even when ALL the toys couldn't immediately be assembled.

Tim and I at his moms Christmas Eve day. We look pretty good for an old married couple. haha

Tim and Ryan made it down to an FSU home game again this year. We went down, too, but the kids and I spent a wonderful Labor Day weekend with our Fierbaugh family there in Lake City.